So I'd like to have your advice for my homework in English

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So I'd like to have your advice for my homework in English

Postby Juonryu » Sat May 09, 2009 7:00 am

just if someone wants to, i'd be thankful if someone read this and told me if its good or if i'm in dire need of inglish lessuns....
its a short speech about race relations in germany.
hf!

Good day ladies and gentlemen. My name is --- and I am a resident of Germany. I would like to have your attention for my thoughts on race matters in my country.
So, what is your opinion? Will Germany count to the Middle East in a few years, or does it already? After the beating of an upright old man by two foreign thugs, what comes next – police firing tear gas at mosque visitors?
Some People, no matter if from Berlin, Munich or Lübeck, honestly held such beliefs. Their voice spreads pessimism all over the country.
As a matter of fact, a population of 80 million people, of whom one fifth posess foreign background, that is 16 millions, can live in peace and prosperity. Sadly, this occurs not all the time. We Germans do not witness warfare und cultural hatred to the extent of murder on a great scale. But mistrust and ignorance dwells in many hearts here, and mistrust is something what one does not simply overcome. Ignorance, though, can be dissolved. Our education puts much weight on teaching about cultural olerance, respect and knowledge. Despite living in culturally very diverse society, the average German is very sociable with everyone. With patience and resolve we can form very meaningful relations with people of other nationalities.
As for myself I am very fond of the German hospitality as a person with Polish roots. Even if most people do not know too much about the land my parents come from, their knowledge is obviously enough to treat me with respect and provide me everything I need in my life. There where times I felt mistreated or misunderstood by my “compatriotsâ€Â
You, Sasuke! You will become my new light!!!

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Postby pickleninja » Fri May 15, 2009 7:24 am

Overall it sounds good.

Couple things I would change.

We Germans do not witness warfare und cultural hatred to the extent of murder on a great scale.


Germans did witness warfare and cultural hatred to the extent of murder on a great scale in WW1 and WW2....I would suggest rewording this to

We modern day Germans do not witness warfare und cultural hatred to the extent of murder on a great scale.

I don't know how Germans feel about that subject...so if it's one of those historical "iffy subjects"...I'd suggest just leaving it as is.


Also, 'and' is miss-spelled in that sentence.... as far as English goes anyways....German it's actually spelled 'und' so I dunno :D


Other than that it I thought it looked pretty good.


Good luck on the paper.

-pickle
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