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Did someone say Jesus?

PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:58 am
by Cass
Keydar wrote:
Cass wrote:Hah!


Oh Jesus, don't start that again!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:00 am
by Cass
Okay, I totally feel bad for posting that picture. I'm sorry if I have offended any Christians.
Here, let me make it up to you!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:09 pm
by Gabtraf
Hah hah! Zombie Jesus..

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:46 am
by Cass
Oh come on! 57 views and no one has anything to add? Fine!

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.

He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.

He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"

"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."

"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."

"Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus.

"Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:47 am
by Cass
Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:47 am
by Cass
What did Jesus say as he was being crucified?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh...!"

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:48 am
by Cass
Why did Jesus cross the road?



















Because he was nailed to the chicken!

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:49 am
by Cass
Why can't Jesus eat M&M's?















They keep falling through his hands.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:49 am
by Raptorbane
Cass

I love you so much right now.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:49 am
by Cass
How much does Jesus love you?




*Spread arms and look mopey*



This much.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:50 am
by Cass
Raptorbane wrote:Cass

I love you so much right now.


<3

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:50 am
by Cass
There was once a holy man who had a horse. One day his friend asked the holy man if he could borrow his horse and he said, "yes." The holy man said, "Say Jesus Christ to make him go and Amen to make him stop."

So the friend was riding when he saw a cliff but he couldn't remember what to say to make him stop. So he said out loud, "Name of the father son holy spirit, amen." And the horse stopped right at the tip of the cliff and he looked over and said, "JESUS CHRIST!"

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:50 am
by Raptorbane
Cass wrote:How much does Jesus love you?




*Spread arms and look mopey*



This much.


I'm dying I'M DYING I'M LAUGHING TO MY DEATH CASS

PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:55 am
by Cass
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:57 am
by Cass
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